CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS
CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS - 1
A celebrity is a person who works hard all their life to become well-known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen
After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise. – Shirley Jones
People will pay more to be entertained than to be educated. – Johnny Carson
I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time. – Marilyn Monroe
My uncle was the town drunk—and we lived in Chicago. – George Gobel
When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better. – Mae West
I never drink water because of all the disgusting things fish do in it. – W. C. Fields
Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism. – Bette Davis
I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible—I wish to thank my children for making it all necessary. – Victor Borge
I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue, and what you are is the point. – Susan Sarandon
The only way you can control how you are seen is by being honest all the time. –Tom Hanks
Losing my virginity was a career move. – Madonna
Eighty per cent of success is showing up. – Woody Allen
On stage I make love to 25,000 different people, then I go home alone. – Janis Joplin
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it. – Jonathan Winters
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time in the month I can be myself. - Rosanne Barr
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give up because by that time I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. – Lily Tomlin
You ain’t goin’ nowhere son. You oughta go on back to drivin’ a truck in Memphis. – Jim Denny (Grand Ole Opry in Nashville) to Elvis Presley in 1954 after his audition.
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one—Helen Keller is the other. – Erma Bombeck
CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS - 2
I was so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born. – Rodney Dangerfield
I worked my way toward divinity. – Bette Midler
Hollywood is where if you don’t have happiness, you send out for it. – Rex Reed
I don’t have false teeth. Do you think I would have teeth like these? – Carol Burnett
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. – George Carlin
It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. – Jenny Craig
U.S.A. Today has come out with a new survey. Apparently three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. – David Letterman
Always be the first-rate version of yourself, instead of the second-rate version of somebody else. – Judy Garland
We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. – Decca Recording Company in rejecting a recording contact with the Beatles.
I buy women shoes, and then they use them to walk away from me. – Mickey Rooney
No matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. – Andy Rooney
Hollywood is a place where they will pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul. – Marilyn Monroe
Modesty is my best quality. – Jack Benny
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. – Mae West
Success is always temporary. When it’s all said and done, the only thing you have left is your character. – Vince Gill
I was the first woman to burn my bra—it took the fire department four days to put it out. – Dolly Parton
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others. – Jonathan Winters
Sooner or later we all quote our mothers. – Paula Poundstone
“In Beverly Hills they don’t throw garbage away. They make it into television shows.” – Woody Allen – ANNIE HALL
CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS - 3
There are some people that if they don’t know, you can’t tell ‘em. - Louis Armstrong
I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I get the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Popularity is glory’s small change. – Victor Hugo
When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man, but when a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch. – Bette Davis
All anyone needs to know about prizes is that Mozart never won one. – Henry Mitchell
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to starving people throughout the world. I told them to bug off. Anyone who fits into my clothes is not starving. – Dorothy Parker
This land is your land, and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by people who never listen to music anyway. – Bob Dylan
I’m extremely concerned Miley Cyrus thinks it’s cool to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. You will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether it’s the music business or yourself doing the pimping. – Sinead O’Connor
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. – Garth Brooks
I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Rodney Dangerfield
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often. – Mae West
Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times. – Mark Twain
If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more you do, the more you can do. – Lucille Ball
A word to the wise ain’t necessary—it’s the stupid ones who never take advice. – Bill Cosby
You don’t choose how you are going to die, or when. But you can decide how you are going to live now. – Joan Baez
Pictures are the only business where you can sit out front and applaud yourself. – Will Rogers
If you rest, you rust. – Helen Hayes
What money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between, does whatever he wants to do. – Bob Dylan
CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS - 4
I really like human beings that have suffered. They’re kinder. – Emma Thompson
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. – W. C. Fields
I’m not gonna vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. – Rosanne Barr
Thank you for leaving us alone but for giving us enough attention to boost our egos. – Mick Jagger
While we have the gift of life, it seems that the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die—whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness. – Gilda Radner
The first time I sang in the church choir, 200 people changed their religion. – Fred Allen
It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone. – Marilyn Monroe
I am more interested in what I discover than what I invent. – Paul Simon
I used to believe that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better. – Glenda Jackson
I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited. – Oscar Wilde
I did a picture in England one winter, and it was so cold I almost got married. –Shelley Winters
When I was young I was kidnapped. My parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. – Woody Allen
Attempt the impossible to improve your work. – Bette Davis
Remember, behind every cynic is a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck
I’ve played so many hookers they don’t pay me the regular way anymore. They just leave it on the dresser. – Shirley MacLaine
I like to talk on TV about things that are not worth talking about. – Truman Capote
Dreaming about being an actress is more exciting than being one. – Marilyn Monroe
Doing nothing is very hard to do…how do you know when you’re finished? – Leslie Nielsen
The wages of sin is death, but by the time they take taxes out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling. – Paula Poundstone
Love is an act of endless forgiveness. – Peter Ustinov
I’m a musician—before I’m a woman, no question. – Tori Amos
CELEBRITY / ENTERTAINERS - 5
I’m not a has-been—I am a will-be. – Lauren Bacall
I believe it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked. – Mae West
When you’re a young man, Macbeth is a character part. When you get older, it’s a straight part. – Laurence Olivier
Do what you love and you will find a way to get it out to the world. – Judy Collins
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. – Lily Tomlin
You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get OLD. – George Burns
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. – Audrey Hepburn
Always remember this: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old…You grow old because you stop laughing! – Maurice Chevalier
You know, when I first went into the movies Lionel Barrymore played my grandfather. Later he played my father and finally he played my husband. If he had lived, I’m sure I would have played his mother. That’s the way it is in Hollywood. The men get younger and the women get older. – Lillian Gish
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to ponder and reflect. – Mark Twain
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. – Henny Youngman
Acting is the greatest answer to my loneliness that I have found. – Claire Danes
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim, he would not have chosen a suit by it. – Maurice Chevalier
When high-profile celebrities make political statements at award shows or in public in front of millions of viewers, they contribute to the confusion, chaos, divisiveness, and yes, even anarchy that inevitably follows. – Gary Pulliam
Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are. – Erica Jong
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, “I used everything you gave me.” – Erma Bombeck
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