WOMEN

WOMEN - 1

“It is not good for the man to continue by himself.  I am going to make a helper for him, as a compliment to him.” – Narration from Jehovah – Writer Moses – Genesis 2:18 – The Holy Scriptures

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. – Margaret Thatcher

Always remember you are truly unique—just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love; I only stepped in it a few times. – Rita Rudner                                      

Hollywood is a place where they will pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul. – Marilyn Monroe

I’d much rather be a woman than a man.  Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re first to be rescued from a sinking ship. – Gilda Radner

When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better. – Mae West

Adoring receptionist praising Melvin’s writing: “How do you write women so well?” Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) clearly perturbed: “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” – AS GOOD AS IT GETS – Mark Andrus / James L. Brooks (Screenplay) – 1997

I don’t have false teeth.  Do you think I would have teeth like these? – Carol Burnett

The feeling of your baby taking nourishment for the first time is amazing, an0 remains the most touching moment of my life. – Dr. Laura Schlessinger

It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. – Bette Midler

I’m at the age when my back goes out more than I do. – Phyllis Diller          

When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man, but when a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch. – Bette Davis

The best way to find out about a man is to have lunch with his ex-wife. – Shelley Winters

I was the first woman to burn my bra—it took the fire department four days to put it out. – Dolly Parton      

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in Paradise and look like your passport photo. – Erma Bombeck

Bed is like the womb, only drier with better TV reception. – Linda Richmond

WOMEN - 2

“She opens her mouth in wisdom, the law of kindness is upon her tongue.” – Solomon –Prov. 31:26 – HOLY SCRIPTURES

I worked my way toward divinity. – Bette Midler

Sooner or later we all quote our mothers. – Paula Poundstone

“Bill’s thirty-two.  He looks thirty-two.  He looked it five years ago.  He’ll look it twenty years from now.  I hate men!” – Margo Channing (Bette Davis) to Karen (Celeste Holm.) - ALL ABOUT EVE – Joseph L. Mankiewicz (Screenplay) – 1950

Beware of the woman who thinks much of her glory, but little of her reputation. – Victor Hugo

It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone. – Marilyn Monroe

Getting angry can be like getting into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the moter, taking off at high speed, and then discovering the brakes are out of order. – Maggie Scarf

The only reason I would take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again. – Erma Bombeck

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you’re wonderful. – Ann Landers

As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world, and then get my own apartment. – from Jay Leno

There is little hope for democracy if the hearts of men and women cannot be touched by a call to something greater than themselves. – Margaret Thatcher

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her. – Helen Rowland

After women, flowers are the most lovely thing God has given the world. – Christian Dior

 “Whatever she planted grew as if by magic, and her fame as a grower of flowers grew over three counties.  Because of her creativity, even my memories of poverty are seen through a screen of blooms.” – Alice Walker – IN SEARCH OF OUR MOTHER’S GARDENS

The thing women have to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. – Rosanne Barr

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong

Anything worth doing is worth doing more slowly – Mae West

If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, and I want to have children.”   They leave skid marks! – Rita Rudner

 WOMEN - 3

“Charm may be false, and beauty may be fleeting, but the woman that fears Jehovah will be praised.” – Solomon – Prov. 31:30 – HOLY SCRIPTURES

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin

“If you want to reach me, then leave me alone.” – Sheryl Crow – A CHANGE WILL DO YOU GOOD - Sheryl Crow (writer)

A well-behaved woman rarely makes history. – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.  Men invade another country. – Elayne Boosler                                                     

There are only three things women need in life—food, water and compliments. – Chris Rock

While we have the gift of life, it seems that the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die—whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness. – Gilda Radner               

I’m a musician—before I’m a woman, no question. – Tori Amos

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time in the month I can be myself. – Rosanne Barr

A girl should be two things—classy and fabulous – Coco Chanel

Don’t confuse fame with success.  Madonna is one—Helen Keller is the other. – Erma Bombeck       

I’m not a has-been—I am a will-be. – Lauren Bacall                                

I personally believe that we developed language because of our deep need to complain. – Lily Tomlin

Brevity is the soul of lingerie. – Dorothy Parker

“I am woman, watch me grow, / see me standing toe to toe, / as I spread my lovin’ arms across the land. / But I’m still an embryo / with a long long way to go, / until I make my brother understand. / Oh, yes, I am wise, / but it’s wisdom born of pain, / Yes, I’ve paid the price / but look how much I gained. / If I have to, I can do anything. / I am strong, (Strong) / I am invincible, / (Invincible). / I am woman!” – I AM WOMAN – Helen Reddy – (H Reddy / Ray Burton writers) – 1971

I am an excellent housekeeper.  Every time I get a divorce, I get the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven’t thought of yet. – Ann Landers

WOMEN - 4

“In the same way Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself.” - Apostle Paul - Eph. 5:28 - HOLY SCRIPTURES

It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. - Jenny Craig

Gossip is the opiate of the oppressed. – Erica Jong

You know, when I first went into the movies Lionel Barrymore played my grandfather. Later he played my father and finally he played my husband.  If he had lived I’m sure I would have played his mother.  That’s the way it is in Hollywood.  The men get younger and the women get older. – Lillian Gish        

In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. – Jane Austen

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue, and what you are is the point. – Susan Sarandon                              

Even when we know our failings, we are motivated to do our best. – Carolyn Pulliam                     

“I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you’re the greatest woman on earth.  I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, (Carol (Helen Hunt) is clearly uncomfortable) and how you are with Spencer. “Spence,” and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that’s all about being straight and good.  I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive.  And the fact that I get it makes me feel  good,..about me.”– Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) – AS GOOD AS IT GETS – Mark Andrus / James L. Brooks (Screenplay) – 1997

Old is when going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. - Anonymous  

Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to starving people throughut the world.  I told them to bug off.  Anyone who fits into my clothes is not starving. – Dorothy Parker       

Never have more children than you have car windows. – Erma Bombeck

The only process that comes close to the process of writing a whole book, in my experience, is childbirth.  There is this moment when you think you can’t possibly labour for another moment, and that, paradoxically, is when you have to push hardest. – Alexandra Fuller

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance. – Oscar Wilde

I’m not gonna vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. – Rosanne Barr

WOMEN - 5

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had. – Erica Jong

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot. – Phyllis Diller

If you married a man who cheats on his wife, you married a man who cheats on his wife. – Ann Landers

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams

It amazes me that talking about traditional values is controversial, but it seems to be. – Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its high level of popularity. – Bette Midler

For years my wedding ring has done its job.  It has led me not into temptation.  It has reminded my husband numerous times that it’s time to go home.  It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion.  It has been a status symbol in a maternity ward. – Erma Bombeck

Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world. – Marilyn Monroe

The best way to get rid of kitchen odors – eat out. – Phyllis Diller

“Well, you can’t beat ‘em up ‘cause they’re bigger than you, / You can’t live with ‘em and you just can’t shoot ‘em. / Men, / I’m talking about men.” – MEN – Forrester Sisters – (Robert Byrne / Robert Schulman – 1991)

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

“Take care of him.  And make him feel important. And if you can do that you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage.  Like two out of every ten couples.” – Momma Ethel (Mildred Natwick) to Corie (Jane Fonda) – BAREFOOT IN THE PARK – Neil Simon (Screenplay) – 1967

Too many people know the price of everything but the value of nothing. – Ann Landers

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, I’ve done my job. – Roseanne Barr

Credit buying is much like being drunk.  The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift…The hangover comes the day after. – Dr. Joyce Brothers

You’re only as good as you last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, even though her heart is breaking. – Helen Steiner Rice

 WOMEN - 6

“I got a twenty dollar gold-piece that says there ain’t nothing I can’t do. / I can make a dress out of a feed-bag and I can make a man out of you, / ‘Cause I’m a woman, W-O-M-A-N. / Let’s say it again, / ‘Cause I’m a woman / W-O-M-A-N. / And that’s all.” – Peggy Lee – (Jerry Lieber / Mike Stoller writers – 1962)

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. – Abigail Van Buren

Leslie (Elizabeth Taylor): “Before we went into that place, (Sarge’s Diner) I was feeling like you do now.  I was thinking to myself, ‘Well Jordan and I and others behind us have been failures’—and then it happened. You wound up on your back, on the floor, in the salad, and I said to myself—‘well, after a hundred years, the Benedict family is a REAL BIG SUCCESS!””                                     Bick (Rock Hudson), last lines: “You know, Leslie, (studying her like a new problem) I’m never gonna be able to figure you out.” – GIANT – Fred Guiol / Ivan Moffat (Screenplay) – 1956

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. – Mother Teresa

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty only being skin-deep.  That’s deep enough.  What do you want—an adorable pancreas? – Jean Kerr                

Men, their rights and nothing more—women, their rights and nothing less. – Susan B. Anthony

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. – Lily Tomlin

Romantic love is a mental illness.  But it’s a pleasurable one.  It’s a drug.  It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it.  It would be impossible to fall in love with somebody you really knew. – Fran Lebowitz

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. – Bette Midler

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. – Reba McIntire

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done. – Lucille Ball

If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

Not being beautiful was the true blessing.  Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources.  The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome. – Golda Meir

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. – Mae West           

WOMEN - 7

Excellence is the best deterrent to racism and sexism. – Oprah Winfrey

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. – Katheryn Hepburn

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. – Luckily, this is not difficult. – Charlotte Whitton

You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good.  Joan Crawford is dead…Good! – Bette Davis

It’s midnight.  One half of Paris is making love to the other half. – Greta Garbo

Women’s Lib?  Poor little things.  They always look so unhappy.  Have you noticed how bitter their faces are? – Joan Crawford

I demand more rights for women because I know what women have to put up with. – Evita Peron

Plain woman know more about men than beautiful woman do. – Katheryn Hepburn

There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne. – Bette Davis